Stan Lee Meets the Amazing Spider-Man (November 2006)

"Stan Lee Meets the Amazing Spider-Man"

Writer: Stan Lee

Penciler: Olivier Coipel

Inker: Mark Morales

Colorist: Jose Villarrubia 

Letterer: Dave Lanphear

Stan Lee's wife is out for the evening, so The Man decides to cook some of his "famous super-hero cookies." But before he can get even get them in the oven, Spider-Man swings through the window, hoping Stan can help him with a problem. It seems Spidey is having second thoughts about the whole hero thing, having to constantly fight super-villians while still being resented by the populace he protects, and he says he just wants to live a normal life. However, Stan reminds Spidey that should the webslinger ever retire, he would be damaging a good dozen industries that rely on Spider-Man's existence:

Spidey finds Stan's speech more than a little inspiring, immediately becoming ashamed that he could ever doubt his own importance to the world. 

***

"Some Steves"

Writer: Joss Whedon

Artist: Michael Gaydos

Colorist: Pete Pantazis

Letterer: Dave Lanphear

At the Second Interdimensional Comicon, Steve Rennitz runs into several versions of himself from different dimensions, all selling comics at the show. The group compares the titles available in their respective dimensions, but apparently only one dimension has any comics written by Stan Lee. The rest have titles like "The Normal Four" and "Amazing Reality," and feature stories about Peter Parker such as "The Night Gwen Stacy Lightened Up." All this may be intended to make the audience appreciate Stan's contribution to comics, but still: 

I would totally buy "The Normal Four."

***

"Spider-Man Unmasked"

Writer: Stan Lee

Art: John Romita, Sr. and Jim Mooney

Letterer: Sam Rosen

In this reprint of The Amazing Spider-Man #87, Spider-Man is worried that his blood might be losing the radioactivity that gives him his powers. He swings across the city to seek aid from Dr. Curt Connors, but when the doctor isn't in, Spider-Man remembers that he has more important matters to attend to than his own health: he needs to find Gwen a birthday present! for her birthday! which is today! and the party has already started! and it's a surprise party!

Spidey makes one attempt at getting Gwen a present by breaking into a jewelry store and taking a pearl necklace, but immediately realizes that stealing is wrong and mopes about on some buildings instead.

Meanwhile, Gwen is the life of her own party, and Mary Jane is jealous. Until Peter crashes the party! declaring that he was Spider-Man all along! but now he's given up his super-hero alter ego! because his powers are on the fritz!

This sends Gwen to the edge of hysterics. MJ tries to help by talking down Parker, but you know she's trying to horn in on Gwen's guy.

Still overcome with intense feelings of wooziness and grogginess, Spider-Man stumbles into a hospital, where a doctor treats the webslinger and pronounces that he has...the flu!

"Oh," says Spider-Man.

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Amazing Spider-Man #302 (July 1988)

"(Mid) American Gothic!"

Writer: David Michelinie

Penciler/Inker: Todd McFarlane

Letterer: Rick Parker

Colorist: Gregory Wright

After receiving a job offer to become the chief assistant of the experimental division of "On-Line Research" (a company name which probably brought to mind different things in 1988), Peter Parker travels to Emporia, Kansas, to take a tour of the new facility where he could be working. 

While touring the grounds, Peter witnesses an argument between construction boss Wes Cassady and Dr. Royce Nero, but before introductions can be made, an acetylene torch backs up and threatens to blow up a shed of gas bottles, and the construction site is evacuated. Quickly changing into his Spider-Man costume, Peter surveys the escalating damage, but before he can react, Wes Cassady zips across the grounds at superhuman speed and kick-rolls a truck bed full of fiberglass over the fire, putting it out.

Later that night, Spidey confronts Cassady at his home and asks for an explanation of how he got his powers, which include the proportionate strength and speed of a jack rabbit, and the ability to tell when a hunter's eyes are on him (also known as "jack rabbit sense"). Having kept his powers a secret even from his family, Cassady is eager to finally get the story off his chest. It's a pretty amazing origin, too. You see, Cassady was...well, he was:

Now that is a solid origin. Spidey tries to talk Cassady into taking great responsibility for his great power, but Wes is reluctant, probably because he is so embarassed by how he got his powers. His shame is so great, in fact, that when Dr. Nero later goes crazy and tries to kill Spider-Man with a laser, all Cassady can do is watch, wanting to help but paralyzed at the possibility of being outed as "the guy who got bit by a radioactive jack rabbit." (Spidey beats Nero anyway).

Laser attacks aside, Peter ends up wanting to accept the job, but Mary Jane is reluctant to move from New York to Kansas. And then Peter tells her about the radioactive jack rabbits, so basically they end up staying in New York. 

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What If...? Vol.2 #76 (August 1995)

"What If Peter Parker had to Invent Spider-Man?"

Writer/Inker: Terry Austin

Penciler: Stuart Immonen

Colorist: Marie Javins

Letterer: Janice Chiang

Like every issue of What If...?, this story focuses on an alternate reality where a minor twist of fate leads to everyone getting killed. Well, this time, only Mary Jane gets killed, but usually, Galactus ends up eating the planet because Mr. Fantastic was depressed that the Invisible Woman ran off with Namor, or Captain America slips on a banana peel and so the Red Skull gets control of the Cosmic Cube and turns everyone into Nazis. So, this story is actually fairly optimistic by What If...? standards.

Anyway, the twist here is that instead of Peter Parker, a radioactive spider bites Flash Thompson, who uses the powers he receives to steal diamond shipments, throw masonry at cars, and generally continue to bully Parker. Which is weird, because in the Marvel Universe proper, Flash is the president of the Spider-Man fan club (that he created) and worships Spidey for being such a hero. So maybe the twist in this reality is actually that Flash is an incredible asshole.

Peter helps Flash, hoping he'll start to use his powers for good, but worries about Flash continuing to be a bully causes Peter first to lay down ("Probably has something important on his mind...like girls," says Uncle Ben), and then to create a battle suit that can stop Thompson's rampage of tomfoolery.

Peter confronts Flash in the offices of the Daily Bugle, where Thompson is attacking J. Jonah Jameson, and makes a wall-demolishing entrance:

And he calls himself Spider-Man, but here's the thing: he's got two arms, two legs, and six mechanical limbs. That's ten limbs, Parker. Nobody says anything, though, because of the dangerous-looking six mechanical limbs that nerd is packing. Also, another twist in this reality is that arachnids have ten legs.

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Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #115 (June 1986)

"Things Fall Apart"

Writer: Peter David

Penciler: Mark Beachum

Inker: Bob McCleod

Letterer: Joe Rosen

Colorist: D. Martin

Spider-Man stops the attempted mugging of a young woman, but decides against using any photos that were automatically snapped by his webbed-up camera when they all feature the potential victim's face. This leads to Peter getting chewed out by Daily Bugle City Editor Kate Cushing, who grudgingly gives him another assignment, but reprimands him further by saying, "Pretend you're a pro photographer -- like Lance Bannon." What a dashing name for such an obvious figment.

Peter beats himself up about his bad luck a little and then goes about his day, all the while continuing to suffer minor misfortunes. He finally gets suspicious when he loses 179 consecutive coin flips with himself, and goes to see Dr. Strange to get the bad luck hex removed.

But where did the hex come from in the first place? Why, from Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat and Spidey's ex, of course, whose bad luck power inconveniences everyone around her, and now Spidey suspects she somehow permanently hexed him when they broke up.

But while Spidey assumes the worst, Felicia is actively trying to shake off the poor decisions of the past and reform from a life of crime, hoping it will impress Peter. And what better way to present such a moment of introspection than a sexy-lady-workout montage:

Mark Beachum loves to draw sexy-lady-workout montages.

Note: This issue's title, "Things Fall Apart," is a reference to the fact that the protagonist of Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, Okonkwo, was known as "The Cat" and had some pretty nasty bad luck himself.*

*That's not true. Well, maybe it is. But I definitely made it up.

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Spider-Man #21 (April 1992)

"Dealing Arms"

Writer/Artist: Erik Larsen

Letterer: Chris Eliopoulos

Colorist: Joe Rosen

Is that not the coolest thing you've ever seen or what? Yeah, so, in this issue, a brutal fight with the Sinister Six leaves Spider-Man with a hairline fracture in his arm and a busted eyepiece, but the good scientists at CARE Labs outfit Spidey with a new high-tech cast and cyborg-pirate patch. It's such a good look that it begs to be used as a scale for judging any technological improvements to Spider-Man's appearance. For instance, this issue gets

out of 5 Spider-Mans with a Cyborg Arm, a near-perfect score, given because of the awesome nature of the cyborg-pirate look, and also the issue's very solid pun of a title. Meanwhile, the inclusion of the Spider-Armor in Web of Spider-Man #100, seen below:

receives only 

out of 5 Spider-Mans with a cyborg arm, because the Spider-Armor is tragically lame.

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Spider-Man #17 (December 1991)

"No One Gets Outta Here Alive"

Writer: Ann Nocenti

Penciler: Rick Leonardi

Inker: Al Williamson

Letterer: Chris Eliopoulos 

Colorist: Gregory Wright

Spider-Man dies on page 6, but he's better by page 22. In the meantime, Spidey uses the time off to consider some Buddhist parables and thinks about hooking up with Gwen Stacy again now that they are both dead. It almost makes you think that maybe he and MJ just don't have the healthiest relationship around, but then Thanos, the Mad Titan, shows up, and that dude is in love with a female personification of Death. By comparision, Peter and MJ are pretty functional.

Spidey and Thanos argue about which is better: death or life, with Thanos reminding Spidey that he's dead now, so he better get with the program. But Spidey still wants to live, specifically this time to save a little girl's life. And who do you think Death sides with? Wrong, she sides with Spidey, probably because she's complicated, and returns Spidey and the little girl to life. Then Thanos probably got all huffy at Death, saying things like "You always do this! You always undermine me and take the hero's side!" before storming out of the room and calling Mephisto to vent. And then his next bright idea to impress Death is to kill half of the entire population of the universe using the godlike powers of the Infinity Gauntlet. Don't worry, they get better, too. And I think later Death and Thanos break up.

Anyway, Spidey is absolutely lucid about the whole experience.

That guy.

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Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane #2 (March 2006)

"The Jealousy Thing"
Writer: Sean McKeever

Artist: Takeshi Miyazawa

Colorist: Christina Strain

Letterer: Dave Sharpe

Drama abounds at Midtown High, as Flash Thompson flashthompsonbacks (ouch!) to MJ wearing a tiara and telling him she is no longer totally crushing. Flash responds to the painful memory by doing some damage to his locker before overhearing MJ calling Peter Parker a dork, in a way that makes it clear she is now totally crushing on Peter. Flash knocks Peter down and calls him a wuss (he does not like Peter), but then MJ helps Peter up and calls him a goober (she does like Peter).

Later, MJ auditions for the school play, continuing her series of using insults as compliments by calling Midtown's most popular drama student the "drama queen!" But it's enough to win her some new friends, and MJ immediately starts hanging out with them and blowing off her old friends (including Peter).

Fortunately, as Spider-Man, Peter manages to keep his options open, and MJ sees him swinging around later that night with another redhead:

After seeing Spidey and Firestar together, MJ studies with Peter at the library, where she says the greatest catty comment in the history of catty comments:

MJ: ...and then he's all, "ooo, Heat Girl, you're so hot!" 

Peter: I think her name is Firestar.

MJ: Peter, you're missing the point. He won't have anything to do with me, but then he goes and dates this other redhead -- what, 'cause she can fly?

That is gold. But later that day, MJ gets the lead part in the school play, so she probably forgets all about Firestar and starts focusing on her iambic pentameter.

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